Stevie Faith was born on the 4th of July weighing 7 lbs. and 4 oz and 20 inches long. Let me say that again… She was born 7/4/20 at 7/4/20! Even the nurses were shocked at how perfectly it matched up. All babies are miracles, but this one is my special miracle. Stevie Faith is healthy and happy. We are blessed!
I have been very transparent about my life, fertility, and pregnancy on social media especially over the last couple of years. I was blown away by first, the overwhelming support and stories by incredibly strong women of their own journeys and then, the questions women had for me during and after Stevie arrived ranging from diet to exercise to fertility and so on.
Many have suggested I write a book and maybe one day that is in my future. For now, while I rock, feed, cuddle and love on this baby, I decided to document some of my fertility experiences here in a very long blog in order to share as much information with others. Here is my very shortened story of my fertility and my “pregnant after 40” journey. At any point, if you are reading this and have additional questions, honestly, send me an email and I will try my very best to respond as soon as possible.
To set the stage just a little bit, prior to meeting Steve, my husband, I had never been married and my children were two adorable Pekingese pups, Mika and Mia. They both died in 2019; Mika at age 12 from an inoperable tumor (after the 3rd surgery) in his throat in February and Mia at age 14 in my arms, illness still unknown but totally comfortable and happy in mom’s arms, on the way to our veterinarian, in November. Both losses were absolutely heartbreaking for me and truthfully still very painful. Though I had lived a life full of love and happiness, when these two sweet babies left for Heaven, gosh it was tough! However, I truly believe all things happen for a reason - it is not just a cliche for me, it is reality. Perhaps I could not have cared for my sick dogs AND raise a baby. I don’t know and I don’t question; I just have faith. Mia died on November 12th 2019, and I found out I was pregnant October 4th, 2019. Believe what your heart believes for your story. I believe it was all meant to be.
When I was younger, I thought I would have been married and starting my family by age 25. Twenty five came quickly and I found myself very focused on my life, my career and my friendships. Therefore, marriage was just not a top priority and I was ok with that decision. My career then took me all over the country and around beautiful parts of the world. I had the opportunity to work with some talented people and participate in work I am proud of over a 21 year career at the same company; a company I began working with when I was just 20 years old attending UCF in Orlando, FL.
I could not have ever imagined being blessed with such an incredible life, career, experiences, opportunities, volunteer work, community, friends or family. For me, I knew life wasn’t perfect, but I always felt I wasn’t necessarily “missing” anything at that time with all of my blessings. As I look back (which I encourage everyone to do from time to time to recognize growth!) there may have always been a missing piece to my puzzle recognized only now that I have given birth to my beautiful baby girl, at 43 years old!
“Ok, let’s call you 38 plus”. That was one of the first things my first fertility doctor said to me, when we met him for our first doctor’s appointment. I laughed. I guess that is a good way to put it. I was almost 39 so “38 plus it is!”, I said. I liked this guy. He was a no nonsense and straight to the point kind of doctor. Coming from Florida, true to many east coasters’ personalities, I like truth, transparency and people who “tell it like it is”. This was in 2016.
Let me give you a little history. I was married for the first time in October of 2017 to my amazing husband, Steve. Three months prior to our wedding , I became a step-mamma to his 2 wonderful kids. Steve and I had discussed having a baby from very early on in our relationship. So it wasn’t out of the ordinary we’d visit our first fertility doctor in Nevada even before we were married. We began our fertility discussions in the fall of 2016; it was around Thanksgiving. To give you a sense of our timeline, we ended up conceiving “naturally” 3 years later, in October 2019. Like many, the years just flew by. Before we knew it, we had spent a lot of money, shared some disappointments and along the way definitely created memories while learning so much about fertility and the IVF process specifically, thankfully.
#1. Learn the process. There are many procedures. Know your options.
Though I was admittedly saddened by the result of IVF, I kept my faith. I am pretty straightforward about my Christian beliefs and I absolutely do believe my life is always safely in God’s hands. If having a baby was in my future, I would have a baby, and if I was supposed to focus on being “mom” to Steve’s beautiful children, I had accepted that and would work to be the best mom I could be to them. Therefore, the two of us had a clear vision of how this was going to work. Either we conceived “naturally”, or we used our sperm and egg; no donors. This was just our personal preference. I mention this because if you are reading this and are considering fertility treatments or are going through the process now, it is a key ingredient to moving forward. Know what you want, be clear, and then be steadfast in your decision.
#2. Have a clear vision based on YOUR beliefs.
Before, during, and even after trying to conceive, you’ll often hear things like “once you stop stressing it’ll work”, “I went on vacation after IVF and we just got pregnant because we weren’t stressing over it”, right? I bet you have a few good ones as well. For me personally, I actually wasn’t stressed about trying to have a baby. My personal life did not consist of whole lot of stress, worry or doubt. Though I had inherited 2 kids in 5th grade and sophomore in high school, I had moved from my extensive network of family and friends in Florida to Nevada, I was now married for the first time and was also working remotely no longer in my corporate office, I was managing what I like to call the “controlled chaos”. I did wake up with gratitude and was happy.
Now, with regard to my professional experience, however, after a 20+ year rewarding career in Corporate America, it took a less than ideal turn. I was no longer aligned ethically with my colleagues, which ultimately lead me to leave Corporate America and start my consulting business. This is something worth mentioning especially right now as many are working remotely.
#3. It is important to consider your profession, career, job, work surroundings - they are more impactful to our health than we may think. Be courageous to make a change if the environment is bad if you are able to do so and hold on to it if is is great! (future blog topic)
Here I was, “38 plus”. Steve was 46 at the time. I was told I was able to conceive though I didn’t have age on my side. Steve happened to have been taking testosterone for muscle recovery. Ladies, and gentlemen for those who need to hear this, testosterone is like birth control for men. As soon as we found this out, Steve was taken off testosterone and began taking HCG. Alongside my husband, I also started my fertility medication which was pretty consistent with what most women are prescribed. Make sure your nurse (this is the person I spoke to, not the doctor) is very clear about medication, timing of injections, and when to reorder. Make sure you know how your clinic operates in this regard. It is all very important!
#4. Communicate, communicate, communicate and ask questions!
We proceeded with 2 rounds of IVF at a total of approximately $30k (so you have a very clear idea of approximate costs). The first attempt to extract and retrieve my eggs, I prematurely ovulated BEFORE I went in for anesthesia and the extraction process, meaning, no eggs harvested (and therefore, no continued procedures). We didn’t know I had prematurely ovulated though until I was sedated. At the second attempt or round 2, our doctor was able to extract 3 eggs however, only 1 egg was viable to fertilize with my husband’s sperm. That embryo stopped growing when it was about 6 cells, on Valentine’s Day of 2018. I remember asking the nurse if I could come to the clinic to encourage this little embryo to keep growing. It was a sad day and I spent a lot of time reflecting on what we had gone through while also still giving thanks for all of our blessings.
We did not proceed after the 2nd attempt/round. The hormones took a toll on me and we also adamantly felt we really did not get what we had paid for. Let me try to briefly explain this not to create negativity but to inform. I think it is important to hear this so the right questions are asked.
If we only physically went through say 1/3 of round 1 (remember, I prematurely ovulated and therefore no additional costs were incurred from that point forward) and then only 1/2 of round 2 (remember for this round, the embryo stopped growing, so we never then continued with incurring any additional costs here either), wouldn’t we have technically not spent all of what we paid for under our contract? We discussed this with our doctor and he agreed that at least a third round should be included if we combined all of the services that actually did not take place. However, this next piece of information is important to know. Our clinic, and I cannot speak for others, but ours had 3 separate entities; doctor, medicine (nurse), and finance. They operated almost as exactly that, separate entities. Our doctor was great. He was very professional and knowledgeable. The finance person was not.
Look, every single person knows fertility treatments are expensive; we know this going into it. If you only know one thing, it is the cost of fertility treatments isn’t cheap. Steve and I were prepared for the costs as we had discussed and planned for this. What we hadn’t planned for was the woman in control of the financial entity of the business. She told us our next steps and the costs of the next steps for us were up to her and if she liked the patient “she gave discounts” and “made it happen”. This person tried to negotiate an additional reduced cost for round 3 and an even better discount for round 3 and 4. We did not proceed.
Let me fast forward to our next fertility doctor. My OB suggested I check out another doctor. She thought I would love her! And I did.
#5. Listen to your trusted doctors.
Our very first visit, this new doctor asked me a series of questions during her evaluation. We discussed procedures that could be done relatively painlessly and less invasive prior to IVF or even IUI.
After our nice discussion and thorough evaluation with our new doctor, she performed two procedures. Though there were no signs of blockage, she “flushed” my fallopian tubes and uterus as it can improve fertility and reduce the need for IVF. These procedures are same day, no sedation required procedures. They were slightly uncomfortable for me, but they are tolerable and quick. Not a big deal at all.
Following these procedures, she kindly sent us on our way to try to conceive “naturally”. That was December of 2018. We left feeling excited and we “tried” without too much stress and going with the flow. We continued through March of 2019. I kept track of my ovulation, but we were not the people who left a party to get the job done right then and there like you hear about or you’ve seen on “What to Expect When You’re Expecting”. Hey, it works for some people, but for us, we kept our lives relatively the same just with some added reminders in the back of our head. We were trying to keep the stress level low. Sometime around March of 2019, we just let it fizzle off as I was starting a new business and we were focused on some other family goals. We always had in our minds and hearts “if it happens, it happens!”.
Around Thanksgiving 2019, though I thought unlikely, I just felt I could in fact be pregnant. After 2 positive pregnancy tests on December 4th, it was confirmed, I was pregnant! We had just said goodbye to my family visiting for the Thanksgiving holiday. That very day, I had dropped my step son off at school and just knew the tests I was about to take were going to be positive. I knew it, I felt it. Sure enough I was still incredibly shocked when I saw that second line. WOW!
Now, I cannot tell you if any of the above was a contributing factor to all of a sudden a positive pregnancy test after all the procedures. I’m not sure anyone can tell us. Was it the HCG, lowered stress, flushing of fallopian tubes, uterus, a combination of any of the above that helped? Of course, I have my beliefs. I am just so thankful for the entire journey of ups and downs, lessons learned, tears, fears, laughs and excitement.
I remember someone telling me “you can do everything right and not get pregnant, you can do everything wrong and get pregnant!”
At the end of the day, be gentle on yourself. Do the best you can and keep your head up!
I hope I’ve been able to share some helpful information. I’d love to hear updates when you have them. Please email me at Jeannie@practiceofpositivity.com.
Wishing you all the best and praying for happy hearts!
